paradisalost | 002. Dictated

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luke fon fabre

002. Dictated

[Filtered to Tear]

[Fingering some of the red fringe he's gotten... It's a little long... It'd been a while since it'd been cut, even back in Auldrant, then with the month/month and a half he'd been here...]

Hey, Tear... um... Do you think you could help me cut my hair?

[Just a regular trim this time.]

[Filtered to Jade Curtiss]

[... this is going to be uncomfortable. There's no other way to put it, really. But he can't really... put it off any longer. Not with things back home to worry about.]

...Can I ask you about something?

[That taken care of, he rubs his arms a little.]

Man, why is it getting so cold already? Fall's just started, hasn't it?

[Someone tell the poor kid that Auldrant's calendar is twice as long as most other people's.]

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[Luke does think about some things, on his way over. A lot of memories and reminders, as he brushes a hand through his longer hair. How he'd cut it, in the selenia garden, with Tear watching... It seemed so long ago, when he'd taken his first clear-eyed steps into the world. And now here he is again, in another world, one he didn't really understand much more than the had Auldrant, at that time all those months ago.

There's a bit of a wait, then the sound of a knock on her door. Slightly hesitant, but still clear.]

Hey, Tear...? It's me.

[She rises as soon as she hears the knock. Maybe a little too fast, considering how her head spins. Whoops. She shakes it off and opens the door, greeting him with a soft smile.]

Luke.

[She moves aside so that he can enter. There's something distinctly... different about this meeting. Something unsaid. She ignores it.]

How are you doing...?

[Luke smiles when she opens the door, and at her question.]

Fine, I think...

[... and then his mouth continues without his direction.]

I'm kind of worried about some stuff, though...

[...wait what

That wasn't what he wanted or expected to say. He didn't want to tell Tear about that! She was probably worried enough about stuff already... His eyes widen for a moment before he stares down at the ground, frowning in utter confusion.]

[She blinks at his odd reaction. Maybe she's expecting too much, because his opening up a little doesn't bother her. It's the clamming up afterward that catches her attention.

She moves as if to touch his arm and stops herself.]

Luke. [A little firmer than her greeting. Friends sometimes push, and Luke's secrets tend to be dangerous ones.] What's wrong?

[Luke's about to brush her concerns off, tell her no, nothing's wrong. Nothing was wrong. Everything's fine.]

[But again, it's like his mouth is moving of it's own accord. And while he was confused and perturbed earlier, now his face quickly moves from confusion to dawning horror.]

[As he's speaking, his hands jerk up, as if they're trying to get in front of his mouth, something anything to stop him from continuing, but he can't]

Back... [hold on] Back on Auldrant... [wait no] the doctor, he said... [stop no he can't] M-my fonons are separating-

[And here he just... gives up. Because the worst is out, so he merely ducks his head and continues, his voice shaky]

And I d-don't know what'll happen here... Nothing's happened yet, but what if it does? I don't know how long I'll stay here and if something happens... what'll happen back home...?

[And then it's over... and Luke can only feel a numb sort of horror. He hadn't meant to say that He hadn't meant to say that.]

[Dammit]

T-tear, I...

[But his loss keeps anything, any words he might say to try downplay the confession he'd just made dead before they can even reach his lips.]

Luke--

[Obviously he's in distress. This is worse than the usual awkwardness she deals with, and she searches Luke's face for a hint of what might be ailing him even as the confession passes between them.

To her credit, she doesn't look shocked by the news. It might be because she's gone through this before. Still, the reminder of that horrible conversation... and the knowledge that he knows he'll die...

She can't confirm it for him. She can't. But if he asks... what should she do?

Didn't she talk to Anders about this?]

[Her lightly-gloved fingers settle on Luke's arm. With it comes a soft breath, just enough for Tear to steel herself.]

It's all right.

[God, it hurts to lie, and it would be worse to remind him of a promise he doesn't remember making. But even though it pains her deeply, she smiles in her subtle way and tries to catch his gaze.]

Everything will be all right. Your fonons aren't going to separate.

[That night on the Albiore. He was so close, close enough to touch, and so very timid.

"I don't know if I..."]

You'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. If you aren't here, then you'll be in Auldrant-- and [I] everyone will be right there alongside you.

[One of Luke's hands lifts up and closes around the one touching his arm, maybe a little tightly. Some part of him really feels like he needs the contact, right now - it's keeping him grounded. His original thoughts - that he didn't want to say any of this - are temporarily pushed aside by the feelings her words bring up. The feeling he had on the top of the Tower of Rem, how he'd felt sitting alone in that room when Shu told him he'd disappear...

His voice chokes a little in that way it does when he gets upset.]

I-I don't want to die-!

[That little plea gets to her. Her smile falters, and with it goes the soldier-like stoicism.]

Luke...

[Luke and Asch's bodies were never recovered from Eldrant. Even then, she doesn't dare walk through that place. It's sacred in a different way. What is she afraid of? Is she afraid of being wrong? It's not a matter of whether Tear believes in his promise. What will happen if she doesn't? If she doesn't have faith in Luke, then who will?

Tear's bottom lip trembles a little, but she bites it back. He's already close to losing control. He doesn't need to see her cry and make it worse.]

I know.

[She places her other hand over his. Luke is always so honest, wearing his heart on his sleeve. He can't hide a thing.]

... I went through with lowering the Outer Lands even though I knew the risks, and you understood that. I'll support you whatever you decide.

[It takes a little while, a little while to gather himself and reign in control of his emotions, before he nods a little, numbly. He... never really got to really deal with this, or at least the vague semblance of "dealing with it" that he'd been able to achieve, by this time back on Auldrant. He'd been pulled away to Paradisa too quickly.

But she'd support him... both here or back home... if he went on to save the world, even if it cost him his life, or stay and leave everything to the others...

But what choice did he have, really?

Still, it was all moot, for now. Nothing could really be done until he was back home again, at least. It's only now that he's finally able to look up at Tear. A little worriedly, and there's a tiny hint of fear too. Now that trains of thought about living are slowly filtering out, others are coming to replace it, including the one he'd left behind.]

Tear, I... I hadn't meant to just... say that. It was... it was like I couldn't stop it...

[It /is/ moot as long as they're here, but she won't deny him time to reflect. How he spends his remaining days here or on Auldrant is his choice. If he wants to know his fate, that's his choice, too.]

You mean... that was forced?

[Her eyes narrow slightly. Of course he'd want to hide something like that; he did before. It's disappointing that he can't open up to her willingly, doesn't trust himself or Tear that much, but she's used to that by now.

She doesn't let go of his shoulder, though she does reach forward to brush some (overgrown) bangs from his forehead so that she can peer at his pupils.]

Do you feel strange? Is your mind foggy instead of clear?

[It could be some kind of drug. She has to make sure!]

No, I feel fine I just... it's... almost like when Asch controlled me...

[The one or two times he did it, back home. Only Asch wasn't here anymore. And there was no accompanying headache...

A vague thought occurs to him - they'd never really found out what his loss was... could this... but how?]

[When Asch controlled him? But Asch isn't here anymore. It could be a loss of some sort, a temporary thing, but it could be his permanent one too. Avoiding questions... How cruel and yet very appropriate for Luke.]

It might be the castle's influence. I'll have to watch what I say... I'd rather you told me the truth without compulsion.

[She pulls back mentally and looks at him again. Her tone is softer again, calm, like nothing ever happened.]

Do you still want me to cut your hair?

[And Luke breaks his gaze and looks away guiltily at that. Part of him feels so bad, wanting to keep it locked up and hidden away. But at the same time... he didn't want to worry the others. To upset them. And more than anything, he wanted to be able to lie to himself, pretend that everything would be okay.

He couldn't do that, not if the fundamental way that people acted around him changed - if they looked at him all the time with sadness or pity or worry, if they started being more careful with him or watching what they said...

... though if he was honest with himself now... part of him felt a little lighter, not having to hide it. At her question, he does look up again]

Oh, y-yeah. Sure.

[It's still tickling in a bunch of places...]

[She hates how he feels like he can take it all by himself. She hates how much pressure he puts on himself, even though she knows why. And she's been there. But now isn't the time for lecturing. He's not alone in this, and he knows that now, even if he might question her lack of real reaction later.]

All right. Give me your coat and take a seat.

[She offers him a smile. It's there if he wants it. For now, however, she gently guides him to the vanity. There's a nice plush seat waiting for him.]

[Luke does see the smile, and it prompts him to return one, of his own. It's a little weak and shaky, and it only just barely reaches his eyes, but it's still a smile.

Guided by her hands and words, he pulls off his coat, hands it over, and sits down in the chair, readjusts himself until he's more comfortable, and looks up at her, then to the mirror at his own reflection. ... mirrors have always been an interesting topic of contemplation ~~and angsting~~, ever since he found out he was a replica. But that was a topic for another time and place. For now he just eyes his overgrown hair. He really was due for a trim...]

[She sets the coat over a chair near the door for later. Luke probably doesn't want hair stuck to it, after all. She pauses for a moment when she sees Luke staring at himself in the mirror. A small sigh is all she allows herself before reaching around Luke. She has to focus on his hair, she has to. Because if she doesn't, she'll think about just how close they are right now, and how he can probably feel her hair draping across his shoulder, and--

She grabs the comb and scissors and pulls back, then begins to comb Luke's impossibly red hair.]

[Luke does notice how close she is, and his face colors a little, try as he might to suppress it. He straightens up just slightly, bringing his knees a little closer together, one hand reaching up to rub the opposite arm. It was a little cold without his jacket - not that his typical one was much protection anyway.

He tolerates the combing without complaint, though he winces slightly whenever it hits against any snags or tangles.]

[The almost-shiver doesn't escape her notice, and neither does the wincing. She holds his hair in a way that untangling it won't actually tug at the roots unless her grip slips. It's a parental gesture, familiar to Tear; a hazy memory of Vandesdelca combing her hair floats to the surface.]

It's getting colder, Luke. You should be wearing long sleeves.

[... He just can't escape a lecture, can he?]

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oldest7yearold.livejournal.com - 2011-11-29 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

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ofhymns.livejournal.com - 2011-11-29 07:36 (UTC) - Expand

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002. Dictated

Tear -> room filter forever;

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Oh boy. 1/idk

2/i'll let you know

3/4 I think...

4/5 Oops.

DONE

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