paradisalost | (no subject)

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[The walk to Steph's room had been quiet. She didn't say anything, just kept a hand on Damian in case he decided to bolt. She wanted to believe he wouldn't do that, but she wanted to believe a lot of things about him. One being that he wouldn't take a gun and try to kill someone. Even if that someone was a terrible person.

She's not sure what to do with him. She's still stinging over the fact that they had been fooled for so long by Hush, pretending to be Bruce. And now this. Just when she thought they had hit the bottom...]

Sit down, Damian.

[Her voice is oddly firm as they enter her room. She has to be the adult, make sure Damian realizes what he did--almost did--and how much shit he could be in now.]

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I thought he was my father for months. And that he probably found out things... and that he used my father's image against me.

Back in Gotham I knew it was Hush, but here I... [angry noise] I wanted it to be my father!

[ somehow, until now she had forgotten how messed up damian's life was, and how there wasn't anything they can do to fix what's already been done in the past. dick said being robin was going to help him, even when she didn't believe him.

maybe... in some ways it makes sense damian would react like that. as terrifying an idea it is. he's been angry this year and been through people coming and going. people like her treating him like shit. now she feels guilty, wondering how much she might have played a part in damian's breakdown. ]

It's okay. You love him so much, don't you? That's why it makes you angry.

[ now here's something that doesn't makes sense to her. ]

Why did you stop from... from killing him?

[He nods, just slightly, and avoids looking at her for a moment. He's not even sure why he didn't kill Hush -- was it really Stephanie throwing off his aim, or did he intentionally screw it up? He'd pulled off harder shots before with considerable ease. It shouldn't have been a problem.]

It would be wrong. People would be mad.

So you stopped because you know it's wrong.

Yes.

[ she grows quiet again, mulling over this. she's reminded of an old conversation she had with dick now. ]

You know what I think Dick would say?

What?

[He almost dreads hearing it.]

I think he'd be proud you didn't kill that person. [ pause. ] I'm glad you didn't.

[Pause, and a nod. He's sure Dick would be too, but the fact of the matter is, he still got the urge to. That had never truly gone away. He could hold back all he wanted, but after three years he still couldn't retrain his brain. He was still stuck on violent impulses, and he wondered if he'd ever escape it.]

I'm glad too.

[ it is a scary thought. she thinks to his future self -- possible future. is this what's going to happen?

she sighs and reaches for one of his hands. ]

When Two-Face kidnapped me, you saved me. [ she doesn't know how true it was about the gun nearly going off against her head but two-face could have been lying to her. trying to make her feel vulnerable. ] That's what your hands are for -- protecting people.

Maybe... [ trailing off. it's hard to accept these facts. ] Maybe some people, like Jason, it's easy for them to kill. To do it because of something. I don't know what exactly. [ and she remembers how scary jason got when she told him what had happened. it was right there, that... murderous determination.

she can't believe she denied it this long. :( ]

But then there's probably a lot of people like you where killing is wrong or maybe not easy. I didn't see it for a long time but... [ she takes his hand to put it over his heart. ] Anyone could do it if they wanted, but you don't have to make that choice. Isn't that what makes you a hero?

[He lets her take his hand, holding on. He feels guilty for a second –– it's as easy for him to kill as it is for Jason to kill –– but he's not about to mention that. If she thinks that of him, it's for the better, especially if that's the person he wants to be.]

Everyone is capable of murder. Everyone. Most people just weren't raised to do it, so they don't think about it or know about it.

[Okay, maybe he does want to be Robin after all.]

I am a hero.

[ she doesn't want to ponder if she's capable of it... she gives his hand a squeeze. ]

No one's allowed to tell you something different. [ she smiles. ] Even heroes can't be perfect. [ bat...man... ]

[Yeah Batman sucks. He nods.]

None of them are.

Perfect is probably boring, I bet!

[ letting go of his hand and motioning for a hug. who wants a hug. she knows you do. :( ]

Maybe for a little bit.

[Even if perfect is what he wants. He goes into the hug, plenty mopey.]

But then you'd have no crime to fight. [ that is actually a wonderful world in her head but impossible to achieve. she holds him tightly. ]

And that would be boring.

[just mushes his face against her shoulder. bleh.]

[ pause. ]

It'll be okay. I promise.

You can't promise that.

[ hnng he's right, but she's kind of scared for him. ]

What's going to happen now?

For Hush? He'll be locked up for as long as they can keep him.

For me? People are going to argue that I should be in prison, too, and other people are going to argue that I'm just a kid. It's predictable.

They can't do that! [ UHHH or can they. ] They just -- they don't understand!

Batwoman will try.

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